How self talk impacts our morale and self worth.

Is your Self Talk positive or negative? 

When we are anxious, sad, angry, resenting or depressed then we unconsciously choose negative self talk. 

When we are in situations or people which are difficult or toxic we are feeling-

Low in confidence

Low self esteem 

Lack self belief

Confused

Not sure 

Seeking validation

Pleasing others

And we are constantly beating ourself with negative self talk. 

So what can you do to ensure your mental and emotional balance is in place?

Choose to-

Walk away for situations or people which makes you feel negative about yourself.

Focus on what they are feeling rather than what they are saying to create such a situation.

Focus on yourself and ask is it really true?

If yes then what can you do about it? 

Learn shift and grow.

If it’s not true then drop it. 

At times we hold to others beliefs, values, thoughts, emotions and make it ours. 

This happened in a session yesterday when my Coachee was stuck with emotions which was not his and he was doubting himself on one of the feedback he received in his 360 degree report and in his 35yrs of total experience he is been recognised for his behaviour and leadership. 

When I asked is there anything for your to learn and grow for yourself?

He said ‘NO’

I asked him what makes you still carry this?

He shared curiosity who shared and his belief of not wanting to harm others. 

This was disturbing him so much that it made him feel his role is no more challenging. 

If you can related this in your life the. Seek help to work on your beliefs. 

Your journey is how you can maintain your balance even when you are around such situations or people and Choose to empower, engage and inspire. 

Choose positive self talk. It boosts your confidence. And make things possible. 

#leadershipcoaching #lifecoaching #emotionalwellbeing #mentalhealth #ranukhandelwal #communicationskills #selfmanagement

This content is based on a Facebook post at : https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid0dv41pzu9YoR883hUnYj9JcoWQaMXNrtbfQrStzc3Q49wbJhra62GhZgcfndRFYVWl&id=100000007133112&mibextid=Nif5oz 

by Ranu Khandelwal @ +91 98200 87055

How to build a good self image.

 Here is a way to develop self image and boost self esteem..

The qualities you are required to write have got to include ways of perception, evaluation, assessing, concluding and judging, and also ways of expressing anger, dislike, love and affection.

1. Write ten parent-like qualities in you. Three - four matching your father, three - four matching your mother and three matching some other elders whom you closely know.
2. Write ten adult-like qualities in you.
3. Write ten child-like qualities in you.
4. Write ten things you do well.
5. Write ten things in you others like and or appreciate.

Complete this exercise thoughtfully in a week to 10 days.

Now keep the list in hand while seated or standing in front of the mirror.

Say this to yourself (x three times I AM GOOD. I AM BORN FOR A PURPOSE. I AM ON MY WAY TO BECOME A LEGEND) first looking into your eyes. Then again while looking at your face. Then again looking at your whole self. Now follow the process repeating two items each from the five classifications given above. It will take you upto half an hour. Devote it for self improvement. Do it for one month. Soon enough you will identify worth, value, things to be proud of in you. A new you will be born.

Here are twelve activities from  https://psychcentral.com/lib/12-simple-activities-you-can-do-to-start-building-self-esteem-today/  that will also help you to achieve it:

1. Make yourself the priority.
2. Stop being a people pleaser.
3. Watch yourself for your adorable qualities.
4. Stop blaming others and also expecting from others.
5. Watch your own self talk and bring changes in it that need change.
6. Dont condemn yourself for your mistakes.
7. Acknowledge your successes.
8. Be grateful.
9. Nurture a positive attitude.
10. Commit to your decisions.
11. Learn to say no.
12. Be generous to others and recall your contributions.
13. Love yourself.

These are marginally altered by me.

Coping with the trauma of Sexual and Physical Abuse

Coping with Sexual and Physical Abuse

Sharing Ideas that may work

33,356 rape cases were reported in India in 2018 of which in 31,320 they were committed by a known person - A whopping 93.89%. 27.2% of women are sexually abused in India - the world average is 35%. Therefore it may be said that every lady knows a few ladies who have been sexually abused. The percentage of women affected by physical abuse are likely to be substantially higher.

Abuse can be of one of many types

1. Physical
2. Sexual
3. Mental
4. Psychological
5. Emotional
6. Threat
7. Fear 

We can consider ourself extremely fortunate that we have not been victim of any of the stated types of abuse. That much said it is important to know how to cope with the stigma, trauma, and dent to self image due to such events and / or indicidents.

I have worked out a formulation that has worked for many. 

The two-chair method

In this method two chairs are kept in the room of a therapist facing each other. It can be done without a therapist as well. The client sits alternately on the two chairs and speaks to the other 'me' that has been affected by one of the abuses. We call the two occupants A and B. This is how the dialogue can go.

Experiencing Larger than Me Image

We are many selves. Universal self, family self, self, I, me, body, ego. We need to find out which are the selves that are hurt. We now imagine ourself to be a larger self. This is done by sitting quietly in a pleasant quiet environment. Then listing the many selves. We get to progressively imagine ourself to be larger self than the previous self. Then we allow the lower self to drop off us. Now there is nothing sticking to us. Like is my body tainted when my shirt is tainted. Or is my body tainted when my shoe is tainted. Or am I tainted when something falls on the dining table while eating. Similarly we can distance ourself from the part of the whole which is affected and get rid of the pain, trauma, shame and guilt that occurs because of our association. 

Boosting Self Image

Self image is a combination of two self impressions. These two, are impressions of who we are and how we are. It takes the form of a belief in both cases. Beliefs are formed by conclusions we reach. These conclusions result from dysfunctional thinking. Tap here to read about Dysfunctional Thinking  

We need to understand that we are the ones who make the conclusions and hold them at heart to be true. It is the that they convert into beliefs. And these are the beliefs that together structure our self image.

Who I am: 

The self image bolsters my self confidence because I have no doubt in my mind about who I am. It weakens my self confidence when I have doubt in my mind about who I am. See words at the end of this blogpost used by people who lack self confidence and have doubts about themselves.

I am an employee in a company, bank, government office or for that matter a home maker. 

My self image is strong and powerful when I perceive myself as contributing to the existence, growth, strength and image of the organisation.

My self image happens to be negative when I see myself as an ordinary employee who has been employed out of mercy and I am working there to earn my wages.

How I am: 

A strong self image expresses the belief that I am strong, strong minded, bold, courageous, independent, capable, skilled, talented, intelligent, hard working, diligent, leader, can think for myself. A weak self image expresses belief that I am weak, weak minded, easily bullied, dependent, incapable, lack skill and talent, not intelligent, try hard, careless, cannot lead, cannot think for myself. See words at the end of this blogpost used by people who lack self confidence and have doubts about themselves.

Beliefs are based on our choices and self conclusions. These can be changed when we tell ourselves that they are needlessly limiting. They may have been necessary at a particular age but hold no relevance today. Besides now I have grown, my role has changed, my life position has changed or my responsibilities have changed and therefore I can make new choices. 

Words that reveal uncertainty:

• Perhaps/maybe. ...
• Probably/possibly – these two words can confuse even native speakers. ...
• Apparently. ...
• As far as I know/ as far as I am aware. ...
• To the best of my knowledge. ...
• Not to my knowledge. ..
• I imagine/suppose/guess.
• I hope
• I think
• I believe