Some hilarious quotes from celebrities.
When I die, I want to die like my Grand- father who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in the car which he was driving .
~Will Rogers
Never under any circumstance take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
~Dave Barry
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
~Miles Kington
Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.
~Mark Twain
Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born.?
~Benny Hill
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
~Emo Philips
By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.
~Charles Wadsworth
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
~Isaac Asimov
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
~Mark Twain
Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic.?
~Lily Tomlin
If it's sent by ship, then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.
~Dave Allen
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.
~Agatha Christie
The man who smiles when things go wrong, has thought of someone to blame it on.
~Robert Bloch
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
~Oscar Wilde
