Some hilarious quotes from celebrities.

Some hilarious quotes from celebrities.

When I die, I want to die like my Grand- father who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in the car which he was driving .

 ~Will Rogers

Never under any circumstance take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

 ~Dave Barry

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

 ~Miles Kington

Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.

~Mark Twain

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born.?

~Benny Hill

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

~Emo Philips

By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.

~Charles Wadsworth

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

~Isaac Asimov

Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.

~Mark Twain

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic.?

~Lily Tomlin

If it's sent by ship, then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.

~Dave Allen

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

~Agatha Christie

The man who smiles when things go wrong, has thought of someone to blame it on.

~Robert Bloch

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

~Oscar Wilde

Laugh a laugh

A STUDENT OBTAINED 0% IN AN EXAM!

I WOULD HAVE GIVEN HIM 100%! EVERY ANSWER IS CORRECT AND FUNNY TOO.  

THE TEACHER LACKED SENSE OF HUMOR.

 

Q1: IN WHICH BATTLE DID NAPOLEON DIE?

 

 STUDENT : HIS LAST BATTLE.

                 

Q2: WHERE WAS THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE SIGNED?

 

STUDENT : AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE.

                 

Q3: RIVER RAVI FLOWS IN WHICH STATE?

 

STUDENT : LIQUID.

 

Q4: WHAT IS THE MAIN REASON FOR DIVORCE?

 

 STUDENT: MARRIAGE.

                  

Q5: WHAT IS THE MAIN REASON FOR FAILURE?

 

STUDENT : EXAMS.

 

Q6: WHAT CAN YOU NEVER EAT FOR BREAKFAST?

 

STUDENT : LUNCH & DINNER.

                 

Q7: WHAT LOOKS LIKE HALF AN APPLE?

 

STUDENT : THE OTHER HALF.

                 

Q8: IF YOU THROW A RED STONE INTO THE BLUE SEA WHAT WILL IT BECOME?

 

STUDENT : WET.

                

Q9: HOW CAN A MAN GO EIGHT DAYS WITHOUT SLEEPING?

 

STUDENT : NO PROBLEM, HE SLEEPS AT NIGHT.

 

Q10: HOW CAN YOU LIFT AN ELEPHANT WITH ONE HAND?

 

STUDENT : YOU WILL NEVER FIND AN ELEPHANT THAT HAS ONE HAND.

 

Q11: IF YOU HAD THREE APPLES AND FOUR ORANGES IN ONE HAND AND FOUR APPLES AND THREE ORANGES IN OTHER HAND, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE?

 

STUDENT : VERY LARGE HANDS. 

 

Q12: IF IT TOOK EIGHT MEN TEN HOURS TO BUILD A WALL, HOW LONG WOULD IT TAKE FOUR MEN TO BUILD IT?

 

STUDENT : NO TIME AT ALL, THE WALL IS ALREADY BUILT.

 

Q13: HOW CAN YOU DROP A RAW EGG ONTO A CONCRETE FLOOR WITHOUT CRACKING IT?

 

STUDENT : ANY WAY YOU WANT, CONCRETE FLOORS ARE VERY HARD TO CRACK.

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